Inspector Lynley Mysteries: Sans Doute
by Kurissyma san Tybalt
Summary: Inspector Lynley Mysteries, Thomas Lynley/Barbara Havers oneshot. Set after the book 'Careless In Red', Lynley's return to work after Helen's death and his little, erm, holiday... My first Inspector Lynley fanfiction. Sans Doute, Without Doubt.


**_An._ SPOILERS**. This was written with reference to the Inspector Lynley novels written by Elizabeth George, rather than the TV series. I don't know how that ended, or even if it's over, for the record. I guess I should explain then, for those of you who watch the show. Helen gets shot (but TV-watchers show know that) and Lynley goes on this long coast walk to forget about her. After walking 40-something days he stumbles on a dead body and gets caught up in a murder investigation. The police there request more manpower for the investigation and Hillier sends Havers down- y'know, might as well kill two birds with one stone: Havers can get Lynley to come back and wrap up the investigation at the same time. Well alls said and done on that note and at the end Lynley talks to Havers and she asks him to come back pretty-please with sugar on top and he tells her that he's going to finish the walk, then he'll think about it, but we all know he means YES! Haha XD That's pretty much it. This takes place during Lynley's return. Enjoy! -Riss

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**Sans Doute**

**_Without Doubt_**

-

_Thomas Lynley was always going to return to the Met._

Such a statement is easily debatable, you might think. Surely, you say, as he was talking his long, tiresome walk along the cliff path, surrounded by so many tributes to death and heartache- memorials to those who had died in the waters that raged and stormed beneath his feet- surely there would have been a moment –however brief, however slight- where he had doubted that he should ever return- that that was what he truly wanted.

He had of course. He'd doubted that he wanted to go on living at all, at times. But that did not change the fact.

Thomas Lynley was always going to return to the Met.

Ironically, the only person other than Lynley himself ever to doubt such a claim was the reason for it. DS Barbara Havers was a modest sort of girl, not unaware of her own worth, but not especially full of herself either. She would never have believed that she could have had such an effect on the man- that she could be the only thing standing between him and what was likely the end of his world, if not his life and still stand tall. She would never have believed –_could_ never have believed- that something so insignificant and even _pathetic_ as her enduring love for him, throughout his marriage to Helen and equally after her death, could have saved him from himself. And yet… there he was. Standing in the doorway and staring at her like- well… rather like he loved her.

Nkata greeted him first, standing up from the desk where he and Havers had dragged their cafeteria lunches, and walking over to stand in front of the man at the door. "Welc'me back, Lynley."

Only when Nkata's hand was put in front of him, did Lynley tear his gaze from Havers' face to the man who was addressing him. "Yeah, good to be back, Winston," he agreed broadly.

Nkata grinned and turned around to look at Havers, who was still sitting down and looking rather bemused. Eventually, she stood too, but made no further move toward the men at the door. "Finished your walk then, sir?" she asked, as casually as she was able.

Something flashed in Lynley's face as he walked over to stand in front of her- perhaps a little closer than necessary. "Actually no, Barbara. I didn't," he said- his reply, like that of all good detectives, raising more questions than it answered.

Havers' eyebrow quirked slightly but she didn't say anything.

"No," said Lynley again. "I didn't finish my walk. I was thinking about what you said. Or rather, I was thinking about you. And I came back. Just like there was never any question in the matter."

"And you're here to- to _stay_, sir?" Havers seemed to be having difficulty maintaining her composure with him so close.

"I am."

The two watched each other closely, Havers attempting to read meaning in his eyes- and failing to, of course, as it was him- and Lynley waiting patiently and with some measure of amusement too, for her to say something in reply.

"Well I- I'm glad, sir," she managed eventually. "I mean, of course. I- You are-" A small gasp truncated her diplomacies here as Lynley's arms appeared tight around her waist, pulling her to him.

A small cough sounded from the watching DC, but neither of them heard it, nor thought for so much as a moment on his continued presence.

"-I missed you, sir," Havers managed, her voice softer now, and he smiled as she placed her little hands with their bare chewed nails on his chest softly.

"Barbara, Barbara, Barbara…"

"Yeah, sir?" she said, a little unnerved at his laughing whisper.

"How many times do I have to ask you to call me Tommy?"

"Tomm-?" Once again she was cut off, this time by Lynley's lips on hers. Eyes widening, then closing, Havers clutched at his shirt and pulled him closer, kissing him back roughly. A soft chuckle from him caused her to pull back.

"Wha'?" she asked, pouting slightly.

"Nothing, Barbara. Just you," he replied, still laughing softly. "Just you."

Havers pouted some more, then relaxed and held him happily, a smile forming on her face as she leaned her head on his shoulder.

"-And Nkata," Lynley added after a moment's silence. "Nkata's watching like a deer caught in headlights."

"Bugger off, Nkata!!" Havers barked and moments later the door was swinging shut and slamming loudly, signalling his hasty departure from the room and causing Lynley to chuckle again.

"I was beginning to wonder, sir," said Havers, still holding onto his shirt possessively, as Nkata's footsteps receded.

"If I'd come back?" said Lynley. "So was I."

"Then what changed your mind?"

A smile here. "You did, Barbara."

"You're just saying that to be stupid and romantic," Havers told him, shaking her head. "What really?"

"Honestly, Barbara." Lynley lifted a hand to play with her fluffy messy hair cutely. "…It would have been so easy to run away- to tear myself from everything that reminded me of her."

She didn't have to ask whom he was talking about.

"…That's why I started walking the cliff path in the first place- because it was something that she'd never do- somewhere I could be away from her memory- however selfish of me that may have been…"

"You're right there, sir- _Tommy_," Havers cut in, causing him to smile sadly. "But not because of her. She just wanted you to be happy, y'know. It was _us_ you kept pushing away. I mean, the rest of us who remained- we were trying to help, yeah? We didn't deserve to constantly be treated like bloody thorns in your ass."

"When you say 'we'…?"

"Yeah, I mean 'me', okay?" Havers huffed. "Stupid, fashion-impaired, vertically-challenge, sure-to-fuck-up-a-nasty-situation Barbara Havers. I never took it for granted that you appreciated me enough to accept me into your life, Mr Earl. I mean, having someone like me over to tea with your mum and shit's gotta be hard. When you started pushing me away, though, I was just so bloody resentful. All I wanted to do was help, but suddenly I wasn't good enough anymore."

"Barbara-" Lynley started, but Havers gave him a little shove and stepped back, almost falling over the couch as she did so.

"I mean, come on, it's _Havers_, right?? She's a laugh when you've got someone like Helen to come home to every night- a touch of insanity in a perfectly primped and polished world. I was fun, yeah? But I wasn't the sort of woman who could make someone like you happy full-time. I was just a laugh. Just a bloody laugh-!"

"Barbara, what the fuck are you talking about," Lynley growled softly. "You know that I never thought that."

Havers looked away stubbornly. She'd been happy to see him back, of course. She hadn't even questioned it. But hearing him talk about the past had opened old wounds. She'd been prepared to overlook them, but maybe they were just too deep…

"Come on, Barbara. What's all this about 'sorts' and 'someone like me'? I never said anything like that!"

"It's _what I thought!_" Havers cried out. "It's what _you_ left me to believe when you disappeared into thin air without so much as a bloody goodbye!!"

"I thought that it would be easier that way…"

"Well you thought _wrong_, dammit!!" Tears sprung into her eyes and Lynley reached out to hold her again. She slapped his hands away. "I thought that I'd lost you forever… And then you called and I thought, maybe he's back- maybe he wants to talk. And it's about a bloody mission!! The first time you'd spoken to me in god knows how bloody long- _months_, Tommy!! And it was about a bloody mission!!" She gestured toward him widely, as if to say 'well??' Demanding explanation.

"…I could have started over somewhere else- a new person, a new job, and, in time, maybe even a knew Helen. It would have been easy for, well, 'someone like me', as you say, to make arrangements like that."

Havers had thought of that too. "But you didn't," she said- curious, despite herself. Despite not being done scolding him yet, nor done yelling. Despite still doubting whether or not she had the heart to forgive him, or even more so, to turn him away. Still, she had to know.

"No. I couldn't." he agreed slowly, brushing away the strand of hair that fell over her face as she looked down- as she avoided his gaze- and tucked it behind her ear. "Because then I thought about what else I was leaving behind- what else, besides Helen."

Havers quirked an eyebrow at that, and forced herself to meet his gaze once again.

"My family was relatively easy, I thought. I'd sent letters. I'd write. I could do without my mother's dinner parties- my brother too. I'd be fine," he paused here and Havers nodded reluctantly, wondering where exact that put her. "Work was easy too," he went on. "I could get recommendations from New Scotland Yard for a job elsewhere, or choose another line of work altogether- I had the money to go without work for a while-" Havers raised an eyebrow here and he coughed in embarrassment. "Okay, forever, if need be, but I didn't want that. Do you want to hear this or not?"

"Go on," she replied quietly, dropping down onto the couch behind her and looking up at him expectantly.

After a moments, Lynley did the same. "I had friends here," he said, watching her reaction intently, wondering what she was thinking that she wasn't telling him. "…Friends that I could write or phone or email. You know communications these days- there are a thousand ways to stay in touch. I rarely had the opportunity or the time to meet people socially anyway so it wouldn't make too much of a difference to me, and hopefully not to them either."

"And me?" said Havers, crossing her arms across her chest with an undeniably sullen look about her. "Was I included in these friends you could do without as well?"

"Well that was the problem," said Lynley, flashing her a small, sad smile before looking down again. "You were… but then I thought about it- something that, I must admit, I'd been rather avoiding when it came to you." Again, the rueful smile. "Unlike the majority of those I would consider my friends, I saw you almost every day- every day unless something was wrong. Barbara- …Barbara… I've always known that I care about you more than I should. Even when Helen and I… Even then. As much as I tried to convince myself that I could survive just giving the you the odd phone call, writing to you and the like, it didn't change anything. The thought of being so far from you and not being able to see your adorable little smile, your- the way your eyes _squint_ a little when you're pissed off, the quirk of your brow- not being able to _touch_ you-" he brushed her cheek with the back of his palm briefly, his eyes earnest on hers. "…It was utterly condemning, Barbara. I didn't want that. Would you?"

Havers blushed ruby red as he brought his eyes up to hers once again and waved a hand meaninglessly as she flustered for something to say. "A little sentimental, hey, Tommy?" she said eventually, a nervous little laugh tearing itself from her dry throat, despite the lump that had gathered there.

"Would you?" Lynley pressed, close enough to kiss her and fully aware of it, but already preparing to turn away if she wanted it.

"…No. No, I wouldn't, Tommy." Her cheeks burned as she said this, but she was smiling cautiously all the same. "I love you too much. Always have. …We're a pathetic pair, eh?"

Lynley smiled too and nodded, but as he leaned in to kiss her again, they were interrupted by a loud knock on the door and a happy shout.

"_Yo, Lynley!!_ If you've got your boxers 'round your ankles better hike'm up fast, 'cause I've got a case to run by you 'n the DS!"

"Bugger off, Nkata!" Havers yelled out for the second time, but this time 'round it didn't seem to deter him.

"Nuh, sorry, ma'am but it's urgent- else I wouldn't interrupt your little lovefest!!" he called back. A short pause from Nkata, then- "But if your panties 'r down, you can keep'm there- I don't mind!"

"Nobody's panties are down, _Winston_," Lynley asserted firmly as he opened the door. "We were just having a chat."

"Damn, I'm too early!" Nkata griped jokingly. "Anyway. You up for a case, sir?"

Havers watched him curiously- nervously.

"Yeah," said Lynley, glancing back at Havers, still sitting on the couch, with a secretive smile. "I'm up for it if the DS is."

Havers got to her feet without a thought and walked over to stand by his side, arm looping through his silently.

Lynley's microscopic grin widened microscopically. "Let's hear it, Nkata."

-

**_Fin._**


End file.
